The Five Dirty D’s of a Successful Life

The Five Dirty D’s of a Successful Life

May 12, 2015 0 By April Kirkwood

 Let’s Get Real!


If you want a reality check about your life, write your story. It only costs about a few bucks at The Dollar Store to get a notebook and a pencil.  Yes, I said pencil.  The very act of rubbing off the incorrect thoughts and feelings is in and of itself so cleansing.  Even the touch of paper reminds you that your presence is real and your life deserves to be recorded. You might have to remind yourself that you can NEVER be deleted.  Social Media has given us that impression sometimes.  So sad for us.

Did you get that?

Yes, writing is one sure fire way to go about saving yourself millions in psychotherapy and dope to cope.  You can start writing from where you are in your life space and work backwards. Or you can begin with an event that sticks out in your being, or just let it flow from your consciousness.  It doesn’t matter just as long as you do it.  You don’t have to publish it, the way I have, with Big Girls Do Cry.  I began to place the pieces of my world in some order after I had my own very disturbing awakening. On a beautiful Sunday in South Florida with a friend, I  suddenly had to acknowledge to myself that I was stuck in reverse most of my life. It hurt deeply to realize most of the decisions I have made up to this point have been all wrong.

So, I segmented my life, and maybe yours too, into distinct stages that seem more congruent to the drama I am living. See if you can find yourself in one of these stages:

The Five Dirty D’s of a Successful Life

(No One is was going to be neat and easy!)


  • Dysfunction:  The part of your life when you become what has been told to you and seeps into your DNA. You grow to believe that you are from a poor family, that you don’t have the skills to be a success or that success itself is what the world has told you it is.  The dysfunction is a million and one thoughts, feelings, and belief systems that you grew to take a real, honest, and forthright. This is the life most of us live therefore we are all dysfunctional.



  • Disruption: The moment most refer to as the mental collapse, the exhaustion of living a lie, the ache in your heart, and the bump on your head.  It’s the giving up on all of the bullshit you’ve been fed both by others and more importantly by yourself. It’s the feeling of utter hopeless ness. It’s realizing you are not your heritage, your parent’s still voice instilling your strengths and flaws.  “You are an embarrassment.  You are the black sheep.  You are a loser like your father.” The disruption in buying into this a second longer causes an avalanche tumbling your world into nothingness.  This kind of tornado seems to often arrive without warning but that’s a fabricated lie too. There were hints everywhere beckoning you home, but the truth is you were either coward or too lazy to notice them.  You turned your back to heed their call, to fall on your knees and seek to remember your value despite the history you consciously call your life. This is the breakdown, the collapse, the moment of rebirth.



  • Deliverance: The act of surrender opens the moment you realize there might just be a better way to think, feel, speak, and act.  When you begin to take off your cool dark glasses and show yourself and others the ‘you’ who is ready to begin again.  This is the seeker.


  • Divination: Giving a time of introspection, healing, guidance, and listening for healing and direction. This comes and goes in the roar of floods as well as the silent trickle of a stream.  The mailman who says something that rings true or the letter you find from long ago that offers insight. God sends these kind of social media messages all the time but now you’re hooked up to the divine wi-fi. This is the healing.



  • Delight: I’m not saying this is always the path of dancing and delight as in going into the candy story and grabbing it all. For some it will call you to divorce or recommit, change jobs, ask for a raise, or move across the country.  After all, life isn’t the party we’ve been spoon fed to believe it should.  No, the real, authentic life is more like smiling to yourself at the new bright morning or waking your body up with a walk barefoot in the morning grass.  It is a deep gratitude for the life youv’e been given and the opportunity have another go at it.  In your heart you will feel a peace of who you really are.  No longer will the hauntings of the past muddying up your morning coffee and you know it’s all going to work out. This is your personally crafted salvation just between you and God.

Setting Free the need to control and define is truel DELIGHT!

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Dear friend:

Cheers to this life and all the ways we learn about love and life:

I encourage you to be courageous and get your hands dirty digging for truth.  Write the dark stuff not just fluffy light memories like your favorite vacation or who you admire most. Those moments, though awesome, won’t get you to step destination. This isn’t a fourth grade writing assignment.  This is post graduate psych work.  Sharpen your pencils and see where you’ve been and where you want to go.


PS: I’m not exactly at stage four yet, like the essence I am, I float back and forth quite often. I have managed to get my car out of reverse and am getting unstuck. Yes, It’s a struggle at times and irresistibly easy at other points.  I bravely invite you to join my delicious drive into a new way of being with Big Girls Do Cry.

 It’s available now on Amazon where my heart lies open and scared.


April of Course

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