October 15: How To Heal From Emotional Abuse
How To Heal From Emotional Abuse
“Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin.”
― Danielle Bernock
What Issues are keeping you stuck:
1. Holding On To Your Safety Blanket
When we are little we instinctively learn to adapt staying alive at all costs. One coping strategy our tiny bodies use is to take any kind of abuse, neglect, or scary situations by shutting down emotionally trying to pretend it didn’t happen or change the creatin of bad situations by pretending they don’t exist, changing the way we see it in our minds, or pretending it was different. These coping thoughts become our safety blanket. keep our psyche safe. I pretend I can’t hear mom and dad fighting. My uncle did not touch me inappropriately. He is really nice. It becomes a comfort zone and we hold on to it for dear life.
When we get older the resistance to move on, see reality, face the truth is hindered by our clinging to what at one time kept us safe. As an adult it keeps us from healing and growing.
Our resistance is our safe zone, our nightlight, our stuffed lamb. We feel we need it so we resist.
2. The Game of Make Believe
Memories of childhood are formulated by what we think has happened. Children at three can remember but by the age of seven research shows much of their memories are gone. So where do we get the stories of our lives? From what they tell us mixed with what we understand in our emotional development. The story becomes ours and we cling to it until we know it is 100 percent honest and exact.
We grow up and the world tells us things aren’t exactly the way we remember them. Dad wasn’t there because he didn’t want to be but was hiding from his loveless marriage but staying for us kids. Umm; we don’t remember it like that. Mom was the good one who was always left alone to care for us.
Throughout all of the shades of grey, we stand firm and proclaim our story about ourselves and others are true. Why? We are scared to death because if our story is incorrect, what do we stand for, believe in, cling to? Some call it denial, others see it as survival.
3. Your First Crush
As part of our story, we learn what romance is supposed to be like, feel like. In our minds we create between the ages of six – twelve what we believe love is. Does love feel like chaos always uncertain? When we conquer and try to get someone to love us does that rush of victory mean true love? Is love a constantly crazy or if not are we bored when it’s quiet and serene?
As part of the story we once again reconfirm our correct thoughts by making sure whatever we believe is true. We prove it by picking men who will never love us if we believe love is painful, we are not worthy, and pain is part of love.
4. The Big People In Your World
“Big” people, our caretakers, (parents, family, teachers, priests, etc.) give us messages. “You are not like the rest of the family. The milkman must have dropped you off at the door.” “You aren’t the pretty one. Your sister is. Your more of a simple girl.” “You are a loser like your Dad.”
With love and light,