How to Keep Your Friendship After You Break Up
Can you ever be friends with your Ex?
Are you friends with your ex or are you still pondering hiring a hit man? I’ve seen the extremes of both.
Wives who absolutely refuse to speak to the cheating S.O.B. and others who are more like long lost kissing cousins at family events.
As my ex is dead, I sense him more in spirit. A spirit, by the way, is the most loving and gentle than I ever sensed while he was alive. There’s something to that whole ‘on the other side’ healing where there is no jealousy, ego, and pain.
But, for most of us still, on the earth plane, we have to contend with exes and the possibility of what comes after the ink dries and the furniture is split.
Is there friendship after good-bye – it’s not here for me anymore because:
You’ve crossed the line too many times.
You’ve been hurt beyond fixing.
Let’s cross out right NOW and replace it with NOT right away.
This relationship needs time to heal and how much time depends upon:
- the severity of the crimes of the heart aka has he beat you, been a serial cheater, or a thief
- the maturity of the participants aka are you truly a grown-up or a brat
- Location, location, location aka do you have to run into each other, like at the same place of work
- Connection, connection, connection aka are there children in the mix
After the right amount of healing, the question at hand depends upon your perception of the term, ‘friends.’
If you define after breakup friendship as:
Meeting for drinks after work more than to a one-time atonement for closure and healing
Snuggling on the once conjugal couch to watch Notebook
Facebook chats on a regular basis
Going to watch the Super Bowl together at each other’s home
NO...this is in all rights is NOT going to happen and maintain an EX status. NO new sane lover would put up with this unless you are all a dysfunctional train wreck.
If you define after breakup friendship as:
Chatting at the door while you pick up the kids for visitation.
Planning kids’ oriented issues together without a knife hiding behind your back.
Having one or two meaningful conversations with hope for the happiness of all involved.
Inviting the new significant other into your polite space without chanting a few catty one-liners.
Sending positive thoughts and a grateful heart for all you have learned together.
This can happen and hopefully will occur with the right amount of self-reflection, time, and healing.
The integrity of a person is readily evident in how well they deal with exes and are able to truly move past the hurts seeing only the best in the love shared.
PS: That is what my book, Big Girls Do Cry and my life long love affair with Frankie Valli is about.
April Of Course
