I can promise you one sure thing;
crisis will happen to you a few times in your lifetime.
Your personal crisis may not arrive as monumentally as it did to the entire world when the Twin Towers were destroyed by terrorists. And yes, there may not be support groups formed for you as you stare shell shocked at the devastating after effects of your personal collapse wondering how to get your life back. The pile of rubble, flying debris, fragments of stone are just a debilitating bringing you to your knees in the demoltion of mental, spiritual, and physical health as any world event in our history.
Sad to say, however, finding your way through crisis is mostly a self-help project.
I’m going to describe three strategies to help you navigate through the dust back to sanity are; stillness (doing), realism (thinking), and honesty (feeling).
I myself am shifting through the cavities and fragments of stones looking for clues to the way back. So, I share these steps right now with a heavy heart.
It’s funny, you know when your’e in crisis but the way out is a slow journey. Time carries you from one day to the other following the roads of endurance to survive. Then, one morning you awake and feel a little lighter and with smile on your face that wasn’t genuine yesterday.
“We’re going to start with a novel idea in the world of multi-tasking. When in crisis, be still.”
As a teacher I do some yoga breathing each class period to calm the busy minds of teenagers zooming in every direction but the task on hand, Language Arts. The days of appreciating a day sitting under a tree munching on an apple and gazing up at the clouds is an underrated method of healing. Oh we schedule, yoga, tai chi, and meditation classes…but even those are prearranged with dates, times, starts and stops.
If your heart is in your stomach as mine is…give yourself time to gaze aimlessly at the ceiling in your bedroom. Let the tears out, let the pain visit you, sit with it in stillness and nurture your need to be quiet.
Key: Whatever you resist persists.
Note to Self: Anything I do in chaos and confusion only makes things worse for troubled mind only brings unclear decisions.
“The next strategy is ‘When in deep, snap out of the drama and use the cognitive side of your mind.”
It’s a normal process of mental functioning to remember every negative comment, personal slap in the face, and rejection when you are once again watching your heart flatline.
1. You are really reacting to every negative memory you’ve ever had, not just this one. By that I mean the drama may be more heightened than you realize.
Write if you must but separate the past hurts from this one and add how you came back stronger. Youv’e survived others catastrophes, you will survive this.
2. Thoughts create energy which manifests itself.
Focus on simple daily chores, take a walk, anything to get out of that energy that will only serve to make your tomorrow the same as today.
What you are thinking today becomes reality tomorrow.
3. Know you are not the only person to have gone through something like this. There are billions of people through the ages that have experienced something very similar.
Key: Logic is the master of wars one on the inside and the outside of ourselves.
Note to self: Not every experience in life is going to be pleasurable. Turn negative experiences into positive ones and refocus energy with creative ways to push your forward and upward.
Finally, you’ve given your body permission to be still, you’ve turned off the high drama of a soap opera in your mind focussing on the logical side of life and now the work of healing hits it core. As if the first two were hard enough.
“We need to stop running from truth if we are ever to heal, learn, and have fulfilling relationships with others.”
Becoming an honest human being is not easy today. We’ve been ingrained to be winners at all costs, to figure it, succeed, and NEVER let them see your weakness.
We’ve done this for so long we aren’t even honest with friends, family, lovers. We’ve blocked everyone out except the dog. I think many of us would be purely suicidal with today’s best medicine, a four legged friend.
Now, I don’t personally care who you’ve lied to, but I do care deeply that you’ve lied to yourself.
Are you feeling guilty because you didn’t visit Dad as much as you could have before he died or are you truly mourning for his loss? Did you honestly put 100 percent of your energy to making your relationship successful? Your job? Are you attached to a person for less than honorable reasons?
Until you get to the place that you have a strong desire to know yourself, examine what happened, your defenses, your rationalizations, you will continue to fall farther and farther down with each storm of life bringing even destruction to your core.
At that point, you become the nasty old person in the grocery store line arguing over paper or plastic. Yuck
Key: There is a primal state of self-knowledge that exists within each of us. Dive into it.
Note to Self: By becoming a detective of our inner truth, we can stay in the zone better overcoming the hurts our lives and learning the lessons we have been sent here to overcome.
As I share my personal life and heartache with you about Frankie Valli and my entire life growing up in a world before words like dysfunctional, co-dependence, and manic behavior, I hope to hear from you about your life as well.
Big Girls Do Cry now on Amazon…in a few weeks out on bookshelves everywhere.
April of Course