People Who Are Hurt, Hurt People!

May 26, 2015 0 By April Kirkwood

Criticism and How To Handle It!


Let me introduce you to the Tate Family: Dick-tate, Agi-tate, and Ira-tate.  They may have other names like Mom, boss, cousin, neighbor – but I’m sure you know them. All of the Tates have one thing in common, they relentlessly criticize you and are NEGATIVE and damaging to your self-esteem.

Can’t pinpoint The Tates in Your life? Here’s some red flags:

1.  You’d rather text them than pick up the phone.

2. You try to sit as far away from them at events as possible.

3.  You’d rather have the flu than spend an entire day with them.

The problem is that you as a rational human being know deep down inside that criticism, though not an easy pill to swallow, is part of life long learning.

AKA:  YOU WILL BE Criticized! 

(Like it or not!)

funny family 001

The difficulty lies in deciding what specific criticism is fair and what is driven by those who have personal agendas to do anything but help us be better people.

Before we discuss how to handle criticism it’s important to find out what it truly is:

Two Types of Criticism:

1:  Justified Criticism: They say the most perfect teen will mess up about once a month.  Mistakes are part of growing up and needless to say, it’s a life time process not exclusive to hormonal kids.  You need help to become better humans from those you want the best for you even if it smarts to sit and listen to it.

Advice: A.  Suck it up. B.  Go quietly away.  C.  Think about.  Listen to your heart and mind and look at yourself honestly with all of your magnificent strengths and areas that need tweaked.  D.  If the cristicism is just; thank them in your own space for allowing this opportunity to become better.

TIP: Some criticism is due nothing more than a simple lack of information.  Make sure you calmly clarify details before criticism gets ahead of itself.

KEY:  We fail into success.  See this as an opportunity to grow in intergrity and skill building. (Hint:  If you hear the same complaints or comments from various people and places; it probably holds some merit.)

KEY TO SUCCESS:  You must be open to change.


2.  UNjustified Criticism: Those individuals that constantly belittle, humilate, and are NEVER pleased with you.  Trying to convince, win over, and earn their approval keeps only perpetuates mary-go-round of lose/lose.  I have to tell you the truth, those nags, hags, and general ‘Debbie Downers’ have mental issues and are putting it on you my dear.

Undersanding The Tates in your lifeA. They are insecure and have low self-worth.  B. They seek to make themselves feel better by destroying you.  C.  They are in denial and project their crap on you. D.  You can not change them. E. Their responses tell about their values and what’s in their hearts.


How To Handle Unfair Criticism:

Do NOT attempt FIGHT or FLIGHT behaviors when interacting with The Tates of the world.

KEY:  Did you know that your blood pressure can go up 50 percent when engaged with these folks and your IQ has been documented to go down 50 percent when engaged in fighting?  You have just lowered yourself to their pathetic standards at the risk of a heart attack.

TIP:  No matter how you try to please them, they will punish you and it will never fit the crime.

KEY TO SUCCESS:  A.  Know that once you raise your awareness, your healing from being subject to their dysfunctional behaviors begins. B.  This awareness comes with a price; the more spiritual and enlightened you become, the more criticism will arrive. (People often reject what they do not understand.)  C.  Shake it off and don’t permit your self-esteem to be in any way determined by their insecurity and lack of love.

As your life takes you on adventures as my book, Big Girls Do Cry, will undoubtedly bring criticism to my door; remember one this one motto:

Live for the audience of One!



April of Course

Writer, workshop speaker, and woman who believes in love.

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