MARRIAGE

JUMPING into the abyss of ‘forever ever after.’

 

I always remember a joke I heard as a young woman just starting out with my husband of six months:

“Marriage is like a call in the middle of the night.

First you get it,

And then you wake up.”

I wasn’t aware of some of the bitter truth of the joke at the time but I knew it wasn’t a laughing matter and at times I felt like I was drowning in the waters I wished for.

 I’m NOT laughing still but I am paddling like hell.

We all start out with such hope, such commitment, and such promise as we set out on the ocean of matrimony.  No one tells us that the sparkle fades or at least turns into something else.  For that matter, maybe they tried to tell us young blushing brides, but we didn’t listen and ignored the wisdom and advice of the older and experienced that came before.

So, ladies, here is what Mom and Grandma never told you about men and marriage: (Does NOT include addiction and mental health issues.)

• The passion FADES and this ‘IS’ normal….yes, at times SEX gets boring but it’s all part of swimming in the sea of love.
• Just like tides come in and out and alters the coast line, the man you meet at the alter WILL CHANGE and so will YOU.  Marry the man for the integrity arrives with in his character, his deep respect for you, his mothers and his philosophy about love and marriage.
• If you are an emotional wreck, the man, the magnificent gown and party, and the vows he offers will NOT HEAL you.
• Getting marriage will NOT FIX LONELINESS.’  That is YOUR job my lovely one. Some of my loneliest moments have been when I was in a committed relationship.  Sad but true.

Your math teachers were wrong:

1/2 plus 1/2 does not equal ONE.

• The marriage vows intimately and sweetly spoken between you two reaches out to the entire community.    A marriage weds FAMILIES, and FRIENDS that all will have some effect, positive or negative on the tidal waves of your relationship.
• Having children will NOT make your relationship stronger and calm the approaching hurricane of possible collapse.

In fact the two causes of divorce are issues over money and children.

• Remember why you wanted a child, because you loved your partner so much and wanted to create something magnificent and extend the love you two share.  Don’t put your children ABOVE your partner; that’s just messed up yet I see it all of the time.
• Speaking of children; kids are  NOT really as resilient to losing a parent to divorce and the chaos the ensues.

As a guidance counselor for years in public schools, parents would be in shock over the undue worry, self-blame, and low self-esteem issues because of broken families.

• INFIDELITY doesn’t always mean the marriage is done for.

Marriage is a place where two souls join to work on their issues, learn their lessons, and experience what it is to know love and forgiveness.

From someone who truly believes in love and marriage,

April of Course