Men, Do You Destroy Love?
A girl falls madly in love with you.
She’s all over you.
You think to yourself, ‘wow, my every fantasy has become reality.‘ She dresses for you, un dresses for you. Plays your favorite music. She cooks both in the kitchen and in the bedroom. It’s pure bliss.
You knew from the start this was special. The next year is spectacular, and time seems to drift from one great memory to another for you.
Unfortunately, though, one day, you awake startled by a cool breeze sensing something has gone dreadfully wrong.
You see a different gal than the one you fell for standing in her space.
She’s restless, passive aggressive, and spits out back handed comments whining about everything you do and say! But, she still hangs around. You can’t figure it out and she’s mad as hell. You are at a total loss with this stranger before you. You want the woman who fell for you to run hopelessly back into your arms again.
What is happening with her? When did it happen? How did it happen?
Sir, you have a case of the ‘lags!’
1. What is happening with her? She has lost interest on some level based on feeling rejected by you and is hurt. She may still want you and love you but there is a fire brewing and it’s not under the sheets.
2. When did it happen? It happened slowly each time you dug those precious little feet of yours into the mud when you needed to move forward with the woman you love.
3. How did it happen? There is a timing in every aspect of living. A house is built and at one point a house gets demonlished. Every part of existence, form and no form, has a birth and a death cycle. When you push against the changes necessary to keep creating life from the birth of your love, you make it stagnet, you pause the flow of movement, and you create a time wrap of sorts between you too leading to eventual death!
You, my handsome man have fallen victim to playing the ‘lag’ game!
Examples of ‘lagging’ behavior include but are not limited to:
1. Her best friend from college is getting married out of town. You suggest, “Hun, you go, you’ll have more fun alone. I don’t know any of these people and weddings bore the shit out of me.”
2. She wants to move into your apartment. You put it off until the very last minute. Your thoughts, “After all, things have been perfect so far; why mess up a good thing.”
3. She wants to get married. You have vowed to yourself that a piece of paper means nothing and marriage is just a doomed, outgrown tradition that has very little to do with how much you love her. You comment, “Baby, I don’t need a paper to show you how much I love you.”
4. Your lady is 34 years old and wants to start a family as she senses her biological clock ticking. The very thought of such a commitment gives you a migraine. You look like a deer caught in the headlights each time the words ‘baby, child, children, preschool, and little league‘ enter any conversation.
Advice for You Wonderful Lost Guys before you lose the love of your life:
1. Relationships like everthing in life, are NOT static. You either are moving closer or farther apart. Your verbal and nonverbal actions indicate which way it’s going.
2. Women want to nest. In nesting, they want a husband, a home, a dog, and some kids. Get over it. That’s the way we are built.
3. A woman will stay longer than she should because in the equation of how much she loves is also the amount of time she’s invested in you. The longer the investment of time, the more she will last waiting for you to come to your senses.
4. She may stay, but the love will fade. You have no one to blame but yourself if she pulls back and the wall between you begins as you place one brick after another until you no longer see her.
5. True love is special and it doesn’t happen often. If she has fallen in love with you, please…consider it a gift to be cherished not a burden to contend with.
Would love to hear your thoughts.
Email me at: PR@AprilKirkwood.com
Lagging is a Drag!
Author and public speaker of Big Girls Do Cry.
About The Author
April Kirkwood LPC holds two masters and is presently working in the mental health focussing on both women's issues as well as addiction. Her desire is to help others take the present, healing the past, and creating a wonderful tomorrow. Focus: child trauma, holistic methodology, sexual molestation and harassment.