October 9, 2014 0 By April Kirkwood

Can you ever be friends with your Ex?


Are you friends with your ex or are you still pondering hiring a hit man?

I’ve seen the extremes of both.  Wives you vehemently refuse to ever speak to the cheating S.O.B. and others who are more like long lost kissing cousins at family events.

As my ex is dead, I sense him more in spirit.  A spirit, by the way, is the moST loving and gentle then I ever sensed while he was alive.  There’s something to that whole ‘on the other side’ healing where there is no jealously, ego, and pain.

But, for most of us still on the earth plane we have to contend with ex’s and the possibility of what comes after the ink dries and the furniture is split.

Is there friendship after good-bye – it’s not here for me any more because:

You’ve crossed the line too many times.

You’ve  been hurt  beyond fixing.


Let’s cross out right now: NOT right away.  This relationship needs time to heal and how much time depends upon:

  • the severity of the crimes of the heart aka has he beat you, been a serial cheater, or a thief
  • the maturity of the participants aka are you truly a grown up or a brat
  • Location, location, location aka do you have to run into each other, like at the same place of work
  • Connection, connection, connection aka are there children in the mix

After the right amount of healing, the question at hand depends upon your perception of the term, ‘friends.’

If you define after breakup friendship as:

  • Meeting for drinks after work more then to a one time atonement for closure and healing
  • Snuggling on the once conjugal couch to watch Notebook
  • Face book chats on a regular basis
  • Going to watch the Super Bowl together at each other’s home

NO...this is in all rights is NOT going to happen and maintain an EX status.  NO new sane lover would put up with this unless you are all a dysfunctional train wreck.

Or, if you are as shallow as Jennifer Lopez who falls in and out of marriages and love like we change seasonal wardrobes, well, in that case, love and breakups mean as little to you as shoes. In that case, friendship like divorce is not that big of a deal. Shame on her! Maybe her brains have moved to that luscious booty rather then her head. Still, she’s one hot lady and she is most definitely calling the shots.


If you define after breakup friendship as:

  • Chatting at the door while you pick up the kids for visitation.
  • Planning kids’ oriented issues together without a knife hiding behind your back.
  • Having one or two meaningful conversations with hope for the happiness of all involved.
  • Inviting the new significant other into your polite space without chanting a few catty one liners.
  • Sending positive thoughts and a grateful heart for all you have learned together.

This can happen and hopefully will occur with the right amount of self-reflection, time, and healing.

The integrity of a person is readily evident in how well they deal with  ex’s and are able to truly move past the hurts seeing only the best in the love shared. (TWEET THAT)

PS:  That is what my book, Big Girls Do Cry and my life long love affair with Frankie Valli is about.  Sign up now for release.



April of Course

Please follow and like us: