As I bite my nails and re read my book, Big Girls Do Cry, I cry.

I cry releasing grief, rejoicing in a project well done, and the many ways I’ve changed even since I wrote this passionate tale. I look at the photos in the book and it can’t be helped but to recall the highs and lows of it all.

 Life is quite an adventure isn’t it!

With the upcoming book tour, I’m hesitate because once again a metaphoris has occurred deep within every fiber of my being.  By the way, did you know that there is not one cell in your body that was there seven years ago.  So everything that you remember doesn’t even exist in your body, except in your memories of those events.  Talk about reincarnation.  At the age of 57, I’ve had eight completely new bodies of sorts.  And may I add several different lives in most of them.

Kind of weird, right?

It got me thinking, “If this book, Big Girls Do Cry, were to be my epitaph, would it correctly reflect the real April. And, after all of these metamorphsis events, is there one real core of me woven into all of the faces I give the world.  Of course, the thinker of thoughts as I am, I continued, “But if change is the only constant, isn’t it normal for our old shelves to be a shallow remnant of who we are at this second. Once again, life to me at least, is a huge dicotomy.  Here are some questions I’d like to share with you as I meditate upon them myself.

Have you changed?  Or, are you just about the way you’ve always been?

Have you allowed yourself to change? Have others given you permission to do so?

Or is it yourself that has resisted the inner urging to do, think, feel, or create a new you?

Do others know you? Is it an accurate photo of you?

 Do you know yourself?

Add to that love, marriage, commitment, and that entire ’til death do we part.’ It scares the shit out of me.  I don’t know who I’ll be in five years, what I’ll want, who’ll I want….and frankly, I don’t think most of us do unless perhaps you are psychically tapped into your Akasic records.

When a woman is pregnant, there is an inner knowing invisible to all others….I feel so many new births for me around the corner.

Have you ever sensed a change coming long before it manifests?

 Exciting and scarey.

The List of What to Leave and What to Take With You To Help You With Your Nest Change Right Around the Corner.

The Winds of Change Are Blowing!

What to Kick to the Curb:

People that don’t uplift you.

Quit saying YES when my stomach and soul is screaming NO.

Caring about what others think.

Gossip.

Putting money first in your life.

Worrying about looking perfect.

Never breaking your diet.

Always needing to have your hair clean.

Breaking the rule of grownups-I am more a kid than a big person.

What I’m Going To Keep In My Next Change:

Tell everyone I love when I say good-bye whether they think I’m dramatic or not.

Definitely keep stopping to introduce myself to all children and all living things with four legs as well as my ducks and birds whether others think I’m wasting their time or it’s purposeless.

Wear tennis shoes more, bright colored ones that stand out.

Get rid of a lot of the makeup and take off fake nails!

Keep wearing my bows and a pony tail in my hair no matter how old I get.

Believe in life after death. Talk to those who have transitioned regulary.

Sing as loud as I want even though I totally suck at it.

Keep up my alternative healing methods of yoga, meditation, The Course in Miracles, acupuncture, John of God machine, Reikki, astrology and anything else that presents itself.  

Cry whenever anything touches my oh too sensitive heart and feel grateful I can still feel so deeply.

So, that’s it.  Change is normal.  Change is going to happen whether we kick and bite at it or not.  Decide what you want people to remember about the real you.  Let go of all that doesn’t excite you and make you laugh. What’s your core?  If you don’t know, than damn it, find out.  It’s so important.  Then be it.  Be brave, be strong, and be happy.

That’s my game plan of nirvana.  I’m not there yet; but I’m on my way.  Would love you to read how I got here or perhaps chat with you.  Hook up, let’s have some coffee. Invite me to your next event.

PR@aprilkirkwood.com

Love ya, (MUAH)

April of Course