How to Stay Sweet, Even When You’re Not Everyone’s Cup Of Tea
Even the most pleasant politically correct person will undoubtedly run into some who just don’t like them without any obvious reason.
It’s one of the numerous challenges all face as a member of society. Nonetheless, it’s still a shock to the nervous system when the light bulb goes off and the realization that you are being avoided, left out, and slowly deleted from the rest of your pack.
That being said, after this painful truth of their distaste for you, there is the question of how to handle this irrational judgment.
Here are three strategies that will show everyone, even the haters, that you are a class act:
#1 Practice Self-Control
As we continue to advance in civilization one aspect of our DNA is still raging. It is the ‘fight or flight’ instinct with its immediate impulsive urge to either see revenge or run and hide.
Both extremes are not the optimal choices in this scenario. I admit rejection is hard to swallow and it regurgitates all kind of feelings and memories that are best left in the subconscious. But going off in a rage like a lunatic or running like a scared rabbit diminishes your positive qualities.
So, what do you do? Leave if you must. Cool down. Walk away from the scene of your disappointment and embarrassment.
Even if you could, it’s impossible to fight a battle that you don’t even understand how or what started it. They have formulated their opinion and you’ve got nothing to work with.
It’s impossible to defend what you don’t know.
In addition, you will not be met with welcome and any action on your part will only exasperate the tension and the faulty bias that is being projected about you. In short, it’s like a dog chewing their leg off in a trap with only loss no matter how you act.
Counselor’s Tip: Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Also, remember your connection to the ‘perceived’ enemy. Is it a working relationship? A family member? Or just a cashier at the grocery store?
It’s vital to take one giant step back to calmly see the relationship assessing the importance of it in your life.
Slashing the tires of your boss will damage your career. Every action invokes a reaction. You have the power to make this situation worse then it is. Be a grown up and use your cognitive common sense and avoid impulsive comments and gestures. The cost of blurting out derogatory comebacks and cornering them can cause irrevocable damage to all concerned.
Counselor’s Tip: Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.
#2 Preserve your Self-Esteem.
Tossing and tormenting yourself trying to discover what you could have possibly done to them is a waste of time and drains your energy. It is key to keep in mind that their views are unjust and you are just as wonderful as ever.
From a clinical perspective, another’s judgments has more to do with their personal issues than their target.
Something about you innocently triggered their sorrow sparking a defensive need to push you away. In short, it is more about them than you. This is difficult to remember in the midst of personal degradation and hostile comments but understanding this can be a real help in moving forward.
If you are truly upset and shaken make a mental note of everyone that loves to hang out with you. The odds are on your side. Make plans to be with those who adore you and think you are fabulous. Soon you will feel fabulous too.
Counselor’s Tip: True happiness comes from within.
#3 Provide An open Door to Reconciliation.
The ever-changing dynamic of life’s seasons mimic the ever-changing emotions within each of us. We each experience both happiness and heartache at certain junctures.
However, no one really knows what is going on in another’s psyche and what they may have endured. Realizing this can bring new awareness so that we naturally give others a right to their feelings.
We don’t need to understand but only give them space. That space alleviates our own feelings of anger and resentment. This is living with true freedom.
Perhaps this is the moment of a door opening that is an opportunity of growth for all concerned. Why do they hate you? Haters hate because they are hurting. Hurt people hurt people. Even if you never actually see the benefits of your graciousness, the end result will be positive.
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