My 27 year old son and I were having coffee discussing life, sex, passion and commitment. We tried to reason out philosphies like manogomy, til death do us part, and infidility.
He said, “I don’t even know what true love is.”
I replied, “you know, I’m not sure I do either.”
Then he said something that made me laugh, cry, and wonder once again out if the old saying had merit: out of the mouths of babes comes deep insight.
“Mom, I think marriage gets down to what oddities, and most nutty behaviors we can put up with for the rest of our lives that won’t make us go ballistic. We’re all crazy it’s just what crazy works best for our sanity. The rest of it is bullshit. It’s a lie. It’s a fantasy.”
Talk about a realistic.
I paused before I spoke, (a lesson I’ve just begun to learn lately) and wanted him to be wrong but I couldn’t help wonder if he hadn’t touched a nerve.
Maybe we’ve watched too many love stories. Do we think every love is like the movie, Notebook! Even then, we missed out on the entire marriage in and of itself. The story was about the falling in love and leaving the earth in love leaving out the middle.
Do we need to become more realistic about what a good relationship consists of. Yes, I believe we all deserve to be respected and treated kindly but have we gone over the edge with unrealistic expectations setting each marriage up for an inevitable fall?
So in the defense of marriage, commitment, and life time love I resolve these two belief systems to be a detriment to long lasting love.
Two Deceptive Beliefs that Must Be Exorcised from Our Minds, Our Hearts, and Our Spirits!
1. One individual person can make my life complete. No one can save you, make you feel blissful, or create a sense of identity for you.
One person can add to your life, give you encouragement to be better, support you in both the good and bad times and allow you space to create a world with many options and friends to surround yourself with.
This theory is a recipe for undue pressure leading to anger and stress from your partner.
Surely those aren’t the qualities we want the love of our life to feel because they are with us.
Cross out that one!
2. A real loving relationship is one that brings only bliss and joy. If we are joined in spirit to be help mates to one another what makes you think that learning isn’t part of it?
Two souls predestined to come together do so for many reasons; not just hot sex under the sheets, glasses of wine under the stars, and walks on the beach.
We are brought together in the eyes of affection and passion so we will perk up and become passionately engaged in the best and worst life has to teach us.
We are challenged through each other’s eyes to make those internal changes and correct the flaws that keep us from being all we can be.
Lovers help us evolve if we are open and willing to grow.
It ain’t easy!
I believe in love. I feel it’s possible to keep it alive but like any living organism it needs maturity, realism and spiritual insight to enable love to show you just how magnificent it is.
Too many of us rush out, close the door, and separate when the real challenges arrive…that is not love, that is not hate, that is only fear of failure and ego driving to make one or the other person wrong so we can avoid facing our own weaknesses.
In truth, we are all brought here to grow together; giving each other space, encouragement, and support to be our best possible selves.
It is in the arms of a lover where the real learning about love and life takes place.
Let’s face it, anything worth having doesn’t come easily.
What did you expect!
April of Course