Tis the season to celebrate and we can hardly get away from the red and green tinsel and trees any where we go. The world is told to celebrate and be filled with joy and goodwill to all men.
Many of us aren’t in that space right now.
Do you feel it? I do.
If you are in a blue Christmas moment, it’s fine. You are right where you are supposed to be. No need to apologize. No need to put on a show. No need to hide your agony and despair.
Give yourself permission to BE where ever you are this season. We are meant to live authentic lives. Anything else would be a lie and treason would ensue in your body and soul.
The dark night of the soul is no respecter of seasons or holidays.
The only way back to the light and hope of the future is to weather it through. This takes time. Silence. Introspection and rest. It’s not easy.
Grieving has no clock or time table.
One day you will awake feeling a bit lighter. I promise you the light will shine again and morning will be waiting to greet you with a warm hug when you are ready.
I also sense that there is a spiritual awakening going on. Some are feeling anxious and agitated but they can’t quite put their finger on why they feel this way. The grey middle road of comfort where most of us navigate in the safe zone is closing. Now the sides of dark and light becoming more prominent. The energies are accelerating and everyone is feeling ‘it.’
For me, the year 2015 been the best of times and the worst of times. As I look back, I must admit I’m looking forward to 2016 more healed, stronger, and wiser. I’ve been in the dark night too.
For those of you on the side lines watching someone close to you shut down in their despair, I offer you some tips so you can help them make it through. Your’e presence may be the difference if this present pain makes or breaks them.
Be aware, Get out of your own head, and become part of the solution not another problem person to contend with.
Look at the broken with fresh eyes. You’ve seen a mother who knows the meanings of her babies every move when every one else just stares in bewilderment. She instinctively can read the communication of her infant because her love is so strong that there is a telepathic bond. You have the same ability to tap in with those you love. See through the eyes of love that can only be felt. Reach out when they need a hug; back off when they need isolation.
Give them a hall pass. If they don’t want to go to Christmas Eve, let them stay home. If they didn’t get the right gift, let it pass. Let them off the hook about not bringing a side dish or take funny pictures by the tree.
I always freak out with those I love most.
How about you? Can you get that!
If your loved one takes it out on you by behaving badly, it’s most likely because you are their safe space or they want you to know, though not handled correctly, what a bad state they are in. Forgive them.
Do something nice for them. Send flowers. Write a note. Check in. Don’t expect anything in return. They are tattered and torn inside. Seriously, get over yourself.
Forget the pep talk. Please don’t say you know what they’re going through unless you truly have experienced the same issues. Don’t tell them to cheer up and just move on. They will move on when they are ready. Those statements come off insincere and judgmental. It does more harm than good.
Warning Flags Any talk of suicide is a red flag. Any changes of behavior are cause to be alert. An out of the blue calmness without cause could very well mean they’ve made up their mind to end it. Giving away their valuables is also cause for worry. Ask them directly if they want to end it. Get help immediately if you are concerned. There are counseling hotlines everywhere. Or go to the hospital.
Thank you for following me and seeing my soul raw and open reading my book, Big Girls Do Cry. Your words of kindness have been such a blessing.
I have been doing healing work myself and hope to share how I made it through the dark night of my soul in my forthcoming new book, The Logic of Illogical Love.
I am avaialbe to speak on radio, at your church, school, or corporation.
I have discovered how to find peace again.
I wish you well. I wish you healing. I wish you love.
With much gratitude and love,
April of Course
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