Two years ago I had a powerful dream. I know it was a ‘real’ dream but like most of us, I’m still grappling with what makes something real. Perhaps what I am about to share was an authentic encounter in another realm. I know one thing, I shall never forget it. Even to this very day three years later, this one experience keeps coming up like the sun in my waking consciousness giving me the energy and self- approval to keep going.
A few years ago living in South Florida, I was perplexed about the comments my girlfriend had made about the entire under age thing with Frankie and how she actually felt sorry for me that it ever happened. Up until then, foolish me, I stupidly saw the entire relationship as an honor of sorts. Then, I saw the play, Jersey Boys, with my daughter and how it depicted the intimacys they shared about their ‘families’ on the road and it drove home a powerful message right to the center of my core. I thought, how wonderful for Frankie to be able to share his truth in the brilliant light of day to the world, not to mention how brave an act like this was. “It must have been very healing for him,” I shared with my daughter over dinner after the show. As a counselor, I know the power of journeling and the healing effects it can have to clear the mind. So I thought to myself, “what if I write down my thoughts and feelings about my relationship backtracking to see where it leads.” If nothing else, it could help me shed some of the mixed up emotions I have about him and myself. The process of wriiting one short story took almost a year to write. I’m not a professional author so this was quite a challenge. A challenge that also involved many discussions with friends and family as I wrote, erased, cried, and wrote again. I realize now, looking back, that enlightenment, healing, and creative adventures often start out slow and build momentim from their own creations almost like childbirth. I was giving birth to my little piece of Frankie Valli and myself.
Now, If you’re not open to what is unseen, the spiritual side of reality, the entire concept of intuition, this may be the perfect time to change the channel, leave the room , and move on to another one of my blogs. This is where I am sure those who dislike anything that sounds “New Age” are going to vanish or send me hate mail.
I dreamt I was entering a dimly lit movie theater. It was huge and the screen seemed gigantic. The only light was from the projector room gazing down onto the empty grey screen. I looked up at the small penetrating ray of light so small yet so amazingly powerful to cast it’s light on the magnificent screen. I squinted my eyes and looked way to the tipy top of the theater. I saw a shadow of a figure sitting in one of the seats. I began to walk up carefully up the steps. I was scared in the darkness not wanting to fall but knowing I must continue. The steps seemed to never up and up and up end until I finally got closer to the seat where I saw a man sitting with one hand under his chin looking rather bored.
“Holy shit” I gasped, it was Frankie himself sitting wearing a deep brown cashmere sweater, small collar and a few buttons. The sweater was a warm rustic ginger brown color that made him look calm and serene. He wasn’t old but rather more in his 50’s or 60’s looking very well and totally confident. I stood there speechless as I am most of the time in his commanding presence. He didn’t move but his deep dark eyes looked up and he uttered assurdedly in his Jersey voice, “I’ve been waiting for you.”
All of a sudden, bam I was back in my bed. I sat up with the daze of sleep in my eyes. It was still dark outside but it didn’t matter to me. My heart was pounding although awoken from a clap of thunder but the room was silent. “What? What just happened?” I thought heavily breathing as though I just ran two blocks from the actual theater. I knew I was just listening to words I did not quite understand. ‘Why would Frankie be waiting for me? What could be so significant to both of our lives that he would care to send me this sort of psychic email message.’ I searched for answers that only my heart knew. Since I’m one of ‘those’ who believe in all things and syncronicity of life, I froze and fell back down into the pillows and blankets as though from a high wire into a safety net telling myself all was well wondinering if I had actually just spoken to my first love.
I decided to continue to write, to tell our story, and to say, I love you Frankie, thanks for the experience, the dream and every second of it.