I sit here fingers numb as my heart sinks again as I try to formulate the words of yet another famous man, actor Steve Collins accused of underage sex with girls and worse.

 Steve’s story was leaked to TMZ via his divorce papers from actress, Faye Grant in 2012.  The papers detail Alleged child molestation confession and personality disorder.

On her behalf, Faye denies being part of the leak and I believe her as they have one daughter together and had been married nearly 27 years.  One thing I know, we women protect our young at all costs.

The worst is that Collins was voted the 11th most wonderful TV Dad last year for his role on 7th Heaven.


 This sucks!

In the documents Grant shares in January of that year she “learned for the first time that Stephen had been engaging in a long term patter of sexually molesting children. There were at least three girls over the course of several years.  At least one of the victims has filed a report with the New York City Special Victims Unit.

His diagnosis, and I concur, though I don’t know him, is that he has ‘narcissistic personality disorder with sociopathic tendencies.”

What does that mean to you?

  • Looks are deceiving.
  • Money is not an indicator of success.
  • Having a family doesn’t make a guy safe.
  • Actors play parts; that is not who are they are.
  • Don’t blame the wife or the victims.  Please…so wrong!

From a counselor’s point of view:

  • A personality disorder is a life long condition.
  • Success is not an excuse for narcissism.
  • There are sociopaths that portray ‘normal’ lives.
  • Don’t blame the wife or the victims.  Please…so wrong!

My my personal experience with Frankie Valli:

Frankie Valli and April pictures 001 copy

  • Imprinting the ideas of lust and passion arrives between the ages of 7-12.  
  • These imprints last a life time without intervention.
  • These imprints affect all other romantic relationships in adult life without intervention.
  • Don’t blame me or the other women involved.

Let us pray for our children, Faye Grant, Kate Collins, and the other women who have been violated by Mr. Steve Collins.

Love always,

April of Course



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Are You Ready to Begin Again?

Don’t cover it up!


I lie in bed alone one early morning with my teacup besides me listening to the sounds of morning. The geese chirping outside my window and the birds welcoming another day.

But this day, as I ponder a second before the chaos of the day resumes, I feel oddly different.

A moment of intrigue and a second of pain shoots through my body, I realize there is much more inside of me waiting to come out which needs work.

Quite frankly, I am always a bit shocked when this happens. I thought I was healed from my childhood, healed from my parents, healed from all of the stuff countless folks like me buy the self-help books for, see their therapists, and attend their house of worship to arrive at the temple of peace.

It’s surprising because I cruise along for a few years thinking I’ve arrived and then something sneaks up and says to my spirit, “April, not so fast, I’m still here hiding behind your smiles and charms. It’s time to get to get real. It’s time to get moving, you’ve rested enough. We have more learning and healing to do.”

As an educator, I’ve become used to the phrase, ‘lifelong learner’ but maybe we are also all continually in the process of ‘lifelong healing.’ I’ve been writing a book recently and the process has been nothing short of earth shattering revealing details and ghosts I thought I had buried with yesterday’s drama.

As I write, I realize how much grief is left unhealed and the job ahead of me. Maybe, that’s what life is about though… it could just be the very process of sorrow, rest, light, healing. Each loss, each tear, each fall, and then somehow when you least expect it, the crack of your heart opens.

The Universe rejoices, “YES, you’re up.” “Now can we begin?”

How do you begin again?

  • The next time you come ‘undone’ let it go. Don’t cover it up.
  • Nothing is more important then that moment.  Don’t cover it up.
  • Cry, scream, and howl at the moon for she is the feminine spirit.  Don’t cover it up.
  • Find a person who has your eyes and don’t cover it up.
  • Let their eyes touch yours.  Don’t cover it up.

KEY: Time is an illusion, it will keep repeating itself until you don’t cover it up.

Take the stuffing out of your key hole and don’t cover it up.

So, now, when someone asks who I am, I will say,

“I’m a life long learner due to the process of life long healing.”

Love ya,

April of course

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Are you living with Vampires?


You are under attack!


Like you, I am usually a cheerful happy-go-lucky person. Of course, I have my moments when my bank account is low, my boss is cranky, or my kids are in trouble.

But there are times I start out perfectly fine and then, boom, I’m out of sorts.

So, I began to keep track of people and events that seem to take me to a negative place. My physical responses would span from a slight headache to a complete lack of energy or worse…a feeling of disillusionment.

What I realized amazed me.

I found that certain people, places and events were total downers for me.

They were like vampires sucking stealing my energy to revitalize themselves from their own feelings of sadness, low self-esteem, and anger.


The result is a loss/loss for all involved. The bitten is emotionally and often physically depleted and the vampire’s new injection of energy doesn’t last.

But it is possible to guard yourself from these types.

The first key is to be aware aka it is necessary to know the enemy before you can conquer and protect yourself.

With some insight allowing your physical and emotional bodies to be your guide you can become astute in sizing up another’s intentions in your space, what their agenda is, and their emotional needs at your expense.

 Perhaps, you have a few of these stealing your jest for life:

The White Rabbit:   He or she is the one running around worrying and fretting about EVERYTHING and often ruminates over past circumstances from long ago as though it were yesterday. Cute and fluffy as they are, they want a shoulder to cry on and reinforcement for their sorrow. They don’t live in the present but stay buried in worry, and regrets.

THEY ARE THE INSECURE and they want your energy to make them feel better about themselves. 

The Deal Maker:This person can be very powerful enticing you with all kinds of worldly trinkets but be sure it is a deal with a high cost on your head.  There is a darkness and guilt looming about them and a hole in their countenance as big as the ocean. They have no joy.  Nothing is new for them.  These are tricky vampires because they appear so needy but they have so many blessings in their lives. they want to see the wonder of living through your eyes and find the innocense they lost long ago.

THEY ARE HARD TO THE CORE.  They have danced with the devil in the pale moon light.   They want your childlike spirit and joy to make them feel alive again.

Doom and Gloom:  Listen as an observer to their words. Either it is too hot, too cold, too boring, too noisy, too expensive, too much bother. Why be alive, I ask myself, when nothing is fun. Is he alive? What sustains their kingdom? The storms in his heart must be drowning his energy and blocking the sun. It is sad to see; it is sader to be drawn sucked into the never ending pity party.

They are DEPRESSED and your happiness is their food to get through their day!

Slackers:  They cannot get out of their own way. They could be a cast member for the Three Blind Mice stumbling in darkness. “What shall I do? Where shall I go?” he mutters wanting someone to make it alright. They don’t listen and rarely on their own behalf unless backed into a corner.  They chases others offensively, exhausting himself, and always leaving the control of their destiny to the others. making the moves on the chess board of life. It is tiring to watch. He feels betrayed, bewildered scurrying on the wheel of life running nowhere. They can’t find their way out of the darkness.

THEY WANT A MOMMY and your doting and empathizing with the cruel world reinforces their sense of entitlement and gives them permission to be irresponsible and weak. 

The High and Mighty: Let’s not forget the perfect people. They look normal. They are strong, outgoing, and cunning. They truly believe that they are the ‘chosen’ ones who have the power, the money, the looks, the theories, and the philosphies we all need and desire. These people are the most difficult to identify. They walk amongst us in the daylight and their bite is a slow bleed. It is a steady pin prick-slight but nevertheless just as potent. They mask themselves as preachers, educators, parents, volunteers, and friends. This group is the most dangerous. They will damage your soul and you won’t even realize it until your heart is lying on the floor and your soul is theirs.

THEY HAVE SUCH LOW SELF-ESTEEM that pointing your flaws and weaknesses give them the power to keep lying to themselves.

Here’s some simple steps to help banish them from your space:

  • The first step is to identify vampires in your life that drain you from the energy that is your rightful inheritance. Look for things they say and do so you will be prepared when they are near.
  • After you recognize them for who they are, don’t stab them with retailiation (whether it be a stake through the heart or a verbal lashing out). Most people really don’t want to hear what you have to say, especially vampires.
  • Move away ever so slightly. No sudden moves on your part to upset their plans of manipulation.
  • Instead stay in the light of day-grow like a beautiful flower, water yourself with inspiration, fertilize with a regular dose of friendship, and guard your existence.
  • Surround yourself only with those who uplift your essence, your dreams, and yes even your quirky ways.
  • If possible, do not entice or tempt to toy with a vampire. They are often darker and more corrupt then you realize. They are often difficult to remove especially if provoked.


Put that stake away now.

Stay in the light and you will be safe.

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Why she acts so dramatic, so crazy? The women men love and can’t understand! Here’s the 411!


You’re in love with her.

She’s part of your life but sometimes the girl just freaks out, over exaggerates, and creates chaos.

Believe me, I’ve seen fathers, boyfriends, husbands, friends, and children sit in bewilderment over some the of strange things that come out of the mouth of the females that hold their gaze.

It’s like a ghost has possessed them with odd, unreasonable thoughts and those around are left with the chill of isolation and emotional wreckage.

So, why are some chicks so freakin’nuts?

I can give you one word that constitutes what I would guess could be 75 percent of the reasons these girls act what many could label ‘unstable’ – Fathers.

Oh, you say, here we go with that Freudian crap again blaming the parents. Well, let me state for the record, Sigmund Freud had some great insights even in his most eccentric and bizarre moments.

Perhaps it takes the bizarre to understand the deep seated issues that rare their ugly heads throughout the adult lives of the females we love, we hate, we wonder about countless sleepless nights recounting events and conversations that seem unfounded and unfair.

And then, there is the here and now when I listen to countless men commenting about their divorced children, the women they left, and that no matter what, she’s a good Mom. They reassure friends, family members, new lovers and themselves that all is well with that bundle of ‘sugar and spice and everything nice.

For some men, the knowledge of knowing their offspring is being treated well by their Mothers gives them a sense of peace or at least a cause for rationalization to move with their own lives with less guilt.

Shame on you if you are one of those!

However, that’s only until they marry one of these girls, get disappointing news about their own daughters, watch their sons get broken in two with a wife that seems to be teetering on the edge, or worse.

Here’s the 411 guys:

did you know that a girl gets her strength from Daddy?


From Daddy, she feels loved, content, and strong enough to have a healthy self-esteem to protect herself in the world because of the great bond she has with a man that makes her feel safe, secure, and able to make good decisions about her relationships, her body, and her level of intimacy.

When a Dad is emotionally present in his little girl’s life she grows into a woman that is capable of caring for herself and others in a healthy way. She’s doesn’t need to be promiscuous, sexually seeking out surrogate males to fulfill the empty areas in her psyche that were never nurtured during those impressive developmental years of her personality development.

My guidance:

Single Guys:

the next time you meet a woman,ask her about her Dad.

Her history, comments, and feelings will reveal much more about who she really is then her shoes, her career, and her tastes in music. It might save you a lot of time trying to figure out who she is and if she is the girl that might be the wife you’re looking for.

Guys in relationships:

if you happen to be love with a woman who at times acts out in dramatic, crazy ways, just remember,

“Some man probably really let her down when she was a beautiful little girl.” Know that healing is possible and most of what is happening has nothing to do with her desire to have a relationship with you.

New Dads and fathers-to-be:

In that little hand that reaches up to you is a grown woman that will compare every other relationship to the one she has with you.

In summary, I often ended my radio shows with the phrase:

“The world is round and it all comes back to you.” but today, I say men, “A woman is well-rounded only in direct correlation to how a Dad makes her feel.”

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Michael Phelps lies versus the truth; how to tell the difference

Michael Phelps recent DUI

“How to tell if your guy is lying!”


Michael Phelps was arrest a second time for DUI after apologizing with the sincerity of an innocent school boy with his  first brush with DUI charges and a photo where he is most definitely smoking weed.

And so another sad story of cute, intelligent man who has a dark side.

 Where are the men who mean what they say and say what they mean!

We all have dark sides and some of us even dare to embrace them but most, like Michael and maybe your guy, their first response is usually to deny, deny, deny like a fish under water.  

Their MO: If you can’t see it, it never happened!

“It wasn’t me creepin’wit your friend.”

“It wasn’t me who lied about the bet I placed on the game.”

Blah, blah, blah!

So how do we tell when our man, or our friends and family for that matter are down right dirty face lying?

The grim truth is that research no longer supports that all of the crap you’ve been told to for like; long pauses, eyes looking down at the floor, or them picking at their clothes as signifiers is WRONG.

Looking at a person’s verbal and nonverbal cues provides only about a 54 % accuracy rate; which is about the same for guessing if they are big fat liars.

Shit!  I hear ya sister!

So what can you do to figure out if your lover is under cover with another feline?

Here’s a few police techniques that with a little practice will make you as powerful as and FBI agent.

1.  Ask a question that they wouldn’t expect:

You ask your honey how was his night with the boys and where he went.  Then you ask where the bathroom is that club or the band – something he hadn’t thought of.

2.  Let him talk and volunteer information.

If he tells you his old girlfriend was at the club, he’s probably telling the truth and hasn’t anything to hide so he brings it to the table. (Unless he’s a master mind)

3.  Look for behaviors that are totally unlike the normal mannerisms.

He hasn’t gotten dressed up for work in five years, now he has a new wardrobe and is up, never a complaint and rip roaring ready to head to the office.

4.  Use your intuition.

I think most women turn their backs on the truth even though they intuitively know the real deal. (The hang up phone calls; the mysterious credit card charges.)

I think  ourselves deny, deny, deny because it’s just too painful. We love them or loved them.  They may be an asshole now but once they were our ‘one and only.’ Or, by facing and admitting what’s happening it creates a scenario that calls for action on our part and the million dollar question:

What do I do now with the no good son of a bitch?

Remember holding on longer then you should creates passive aggressive acts of anger that makes you depressed and eventually ill;  not to mention pissed off as all get out often taking it out on those we care for!

 Sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horn and cut off his balls – or get an excellent attorney.

I swear, I’m not lying.

See ya soon,

April of Course

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