Til death do us part
Until my inner child leaves the building!
(Tom, you are going to love this one!)
I went to the mailbox and there was my August Glamour Magazine waiting to share the details and how to’s of what I need to do be happy, or at the very least, look happy. On the cover was the beautiful and very grown up Katie Holmes still as sweet as a “Krispy Cream” donut.
Inside the pages Katie was featured in couture clothes and includes an interview where she chats about her new and wonderful life as a single woman and mom to Suri in the big apple. I yawned as I casually scanned the article and found it to be the usual chipper and cheery stuff I’ve read from our little Dawson Creek star before.
Her answers always remind me of carefully rehearsed short sound bites from a Disney movie.
Slightly bored by the bullshit I wondered what the real deal was and who is the true Katie from midwest Ohio. I wanted to call her up and say, ‘hey, let’s get together, have a glass of wine, and talk about the ‘TomKat’ heartache.’ Let’s face it, it sucks when the moment of reality bursts into the forefront of your brain and you realize the love of your life is a frog, the marriage is a sham, and you’d rather get a root canal then sleep with him again.
Since, I didn’t have her number I decided to go to the next best source; Google. I wanted to understand what had happened to her marriage to ‘A lister’ Tom Cruz who is 16 years her senior and what, if any, lessons we as humans who want love in our lives can learn from it. Let’s face it, he’s adorable even if he wears lifts in his shoes and travels with a scientology entourage.
I started with the articles depicting Tom jumping on that famous Oprah couch proclaiming his wild passion and devotion to Katie. The tabloids shared their date in Paris and the quick courtship that followed only to crescendo with a Hollywood wedding a little more then a year after they met. I also found her first interview after moving in with him just six weeks after their first date. In the W Classics: Holmes, Sweet Holmes coveting the August 2005 cover chanting phrases like, ‘I’ve met the man of my dreams’ to ‘it just felt like I’d know him forever’ to ‘Tom and I will always be in our honeymoon phase.’ I read those lines again. ‘Did she sound mature?’ I re-read them, honestly asking myself, ‘Does this sound like something I or my friends may have gushed out of our own little pouts?’ In another interview it states that Katie Holmes talked about having a poster of Tom Cruz on her bedroom wall when she was growing up in Toledo.
My mind started to zoom with ideas and theories of their love life and what it could possibly say about our own.
The person interviewing the 26 year starlit at the time said, “….her beautiful green eyes focused on nothing in particular.” I found that sentence to be so compelling to me. Focussing on ‘nothing’ in particular but making the most important decision of your life.
Did Katie, you and I make romantic commitments based solely on something we like to call our intuition, our heart, our destiny. Or is it ‘nothing’ much at all or much more of something else. What if there is an eight year old constantly pushing us subconsciously back to the song, the movie, the TV show that drilled into us our very own vision of ‘Mr. Perfect’?
As my book, Big Girls Do Cry, gets ready to launch and all of the crazy, wild things the press has said about me, my family, and even Mr. Valli thus far, I started to look for others who have been led by their inner child. You know some how, when I remember the Bible scripture, “and the children would lead them,” I’m sure it wasn’t intended to become an epidemic of poor romantic choices women and men make masquerading as grown-ups! So I started thinking about Katie Holmes.
So why did Katie and Tom actually break up?
Why did you and your man fall apart? Why did mine?
When we meet someone one of the first things that draws us to another person is sexual attraction. It’s that chemical cocktail that research tells us lasts between 24-36 months. We often call this romance delirium ‘falling in love.’
History tells us that this short few months is just a product of Western Civilization and lacks the credentials to prove itself a value to society. By this study then, falling in love with that kind of passion doesn’t last and shouldn’t be called love at all. Maybe that’s why we are such a mess in the area of commitment. Then if we fall in love with desire based on imprinting aka Katie’s vision of the poster of Tom, what if it is the little child inside of us that fell for the poster is the one that gives us that sexual attraction.
You see where this is going? Right to the divorce court. And then we look at the men. For example, could it be that Tom Cruz came as he was with all of his strengths and weaknesses but Katie saw her vision of Mr. Perfect and made a flawed incorrect assumption that he was Mr. Perfect. If so, that would be a perfect example of, you got it, imprinting. So Tom, this one’s for you!
Is your love life the victim of your inner child’s imprinting? Sign up for the free video where I take you through the questions you need to ask yourself about why you love the men you do.
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