Ladies, do you remember tearing up into your pillow all mushy when Lassie got hurt every week even though deep inside you knew he would probably come out ok. You just couldn’t help it, Lassie was all alone and he might be scared and lonely!
And guys, do you remember a sister or cousin who burst out sobbing at a holiday dinner because someone mentioned calories? Worse yet, You, the easy going kind of kid you are, thought nothing of it when you put that whoopee cushion on her chair! To this day you still didn’t get why your mom balled you out like you just damn near killed her with a carving knife!
So why do little girls go off the deep end when they learn something sad about their celebrity crush?
It struck a familiar cord in me, when I scanned the news watching One Direction Fans scream and cry over the loss of One Direction member, Zayn. I gazed in disbelief and thought how ridiculous until I remembered Frankie and his effect on me around the same age of these lovely little girls. Everyone has someone that vow their life to. Elvis? John Lennon?
I started to wonder why exactly goes on in our little heads to react so nutty making everyone within our bedrooms want to tell us to “shut the hell up and get over it” or in my case, “how can we help you see your favorite crush?”
It’s all in the book, Big Girls Do Cry, sign up May 3 for advance copy as well as some fun surprises and contests.
I did some research and found some reasons, all parents should understand before they decide how to handle this profoundly important aspect of their little girl’s development:
Reasons for the squeals of a young woman’s delight and despair are due inpart to:
1. Fluctuating hormone changes chemicals in the body which creates a group of girls that have a great need for for bonding, love, connection, and pleasure.
2. Physicologically reaching the optimum age for child rearing and in evolutionary terms she knows a close-knit group is good protection.
3. These close bonds with others actually alter the female brain in a highly positive way so that any loss of those relationshipships strengthens the feelings of abandonment or loss.
Get Ready, it’s going to happen and here’s my advice on what to do to make sure it ends without causing long term damage to your daughter’s adult life.
How To Handle This with Celebrity Crushes as a Parent:
1. Do NOT belittle their feelings.
Calling her stupid, embarrassing her, punishing her do nothing positive to help her through this. If you think your’e confused, just consider how overwhelming all of this is for her.
2. Do NOT feed into their feelings.
Helping her get to her celebrity, dress like him or her, transform or encourgage this crush is just as damaging. It signals an approval to her that she is behaving appropriately.
3. Watch and listen with understanding.
Become as the adult an observer not judge and jury. Do these crushes come and go quickly? Is it a social kind of thing with her other silly friends? Is it a way to bond with her social group? Is she in love with another celeb every other week? Or, has she become stuck once everyone else has moved on to the next big thing?
Be open to discussions with your little girl without outwardly demeaning her deep feelings for this object of affection. PS: Remember nonverbal communication is 70 percent or more of messages. Do NOT roll your eyes or shake your head in disbelief.
Perception is everything. If it’s real to her, than at least, it merits respect.
4. If habits and behaviors change, get some professional help.
If this little obsession lasts longer than a few months, creates a problem in school, grades, or friendships, always feel free to confident as a parent to reach out for support.
A psychiatrist colleage of mine once said, “Even the best child, makes a mistake or two every month.” Growing means making those mistakes. Problems arise when a mistake becomes a habit and a habit becomes a lifestyle.
We all love our kids. They don’t come with directions. Our parents often did it wrong and that’s all we know. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Here for kid advice as an educator for over twenty-five years:
Who loves you baby?