How To Stop Falling In Love With Unavailable Men
How many times have you said it, heard it, or thought it? How many times have you looked back at the time you’ve wasted on some dumb ass who was never going to be your groom no matter what came out of his beautiful mouth. Or worse, you get the guy but inside his being he’s somewhere else. He’s absent though he with you. He can’t for some reason give himself fully to you and the tug of war exhausts both you and him.
These relationships end badly, Let’s hope your’e smart enough to get out with some shred of self-esteem before this becomes your life’s tragic story. But in truth, the relationship never ever started. It was a dead end and you never got to the gate.
I was one of those girls who happened to love men who were somehow unavailable. Oh, they may have had different ways of distancing themselves…married, a player, workaholic, or cold to the core; but they all had one thing in common – they seemed to be like honey to this sugar loving bumble bee.
Some were so nice and they were so persistent they eventually wore me down. Others were such a challenge and so playful, I couldn’t resist jumping into their sand box to see what we could build together. I was a nice girl but I got lost somewhere and the shades of personal integrity versus finding true love got very blurred for me.
It was almost like the mental disorder of cutting. It must have given me some sort of sick release or pleasure cutting my heart into bits. when I decided the pain outweighed the pleasure I decided to do the work to find me again, become a lady again, and throw out my desire for men who would never treat me right.
It probably didn’t hurt that I was over fifty and my priorities changed as well as what I think is a satisfying relationship.
If some of these experiences no longer sweeten your tea, you may finally be ready to though this nasty habit into the trash with the rest of the men who have hurt you:
Last minute plan changes
Lies and elusive excuses
ghosting for unexplained periods of time
Holidays spent alone
Waiting for them to call
Putting up manipulation: “If you truly love me, you’ll wait” kind of crap.
Read the following and practice, practice, practice. Pray, pray, pray, and do nothing when you are in the throws of “I want to rip his face off” kind of emotion.
Also, hide the ice cream. Drowning your pain in food is a silly high school coping skill and it’s detrimental to your health. If all else fails, nap until your body catches up releases those adrenaline rushes. After you get on your feet and ready to swim in the sea of love you won’t need an inner tube to dance through all of the available men waiting out there just for you.
Commit to Change. Creating a new play book about yourself and those you love is going to take time and it’s going to feel awkward.
awkward is good.
It’s different and I need different.
The only requirement is absolutely honesty and truth. You owe no one else an explanation. This is about you not what others think or say about you. Screw them!
Let go of your guilt for your past behavior. Worrying over the past is about as beneficial as going back to first grade. It’s a waste of time.
Your body only has so much energy to expend each day.
Use it on creating not regretting.
Who hurt you in the past? Did they lie to you or did you lie to yourself? Usually a guy will slip out little signs out of guilt warning you of their deceptive ways but we do not listen. They know they are rats and they want to clear their conscience that you are ok with that.
Since your feelings are not protecting you, switch to letting your mind help out until the healing is underway.
Do this by consciously listening better.
It’s a learned skill and you can do it.
Become the observer of interactions without judgment.
Be your own therapist: What is within yourself that you think it’s ok to settle for less than the best in love? (Daddy issues, childhood tapes from the past, a pain so deep you have actually shut down to love?)
Why are you resistant to good guys who are willing and able to commit?
Is it you that is really afraid of commitment thereby picking people who can never really hurt because they never actually came? By being with a married man, they cannot hurt you really because you knew all along they belonged to someone else, had another life, and you were only a small part of their world.
Go Back To The Drawing Board: What is the story you tell yourself about true love and commitment? We all have stories that often become distorted over time. Where did this chaos inside yourself begin and discard.
Know what pushes your buttons: If it’s a bad boy that excites you stay away from those types. If it’s the guy who has power that gets your juices flowing, don’t let yourself near that image. Date someone out of your “too hot to not” zone for at least eight dates.
Correct Your Vision: List the qualities of a decent guy and memorize them. When the wine flows, and the music is beckoning you to do your best moves on the floor with a dangerous man, visit the list and feel in your heart he is real and out there if you just allow yourself a new perspective.
See the goddess in yourself: Make a list of Your great qualities and post them in your bathroom: You are too good to continually be emotionally torn up. Remember your greatness. Honor your body. Listen to your soul’s calling of your perfection.
Energy attracts like energy. Feel the excitement of knowing he’s out: There are great guys but he can’t find you until you are a together, upright, chick who isn’t a hot mess. Be the person you want to fall in love with. Your blessed one is waiting!
Find a spiritual center: Think of someone who loves you more than anyone else. Feel that love move through you…..let the warmth surround you and know that this is nothing compared to how the creator loves you and wants the best for you. Let this Holy Spirit heal you, protect you, love you, and walk with you. It is real if you let it in.
Affirmations to Lift you up:
I am love.
I deserve love.
I feel love coming to me and I welcome it.
A sister who has done that and been there.
Stay in touch.
April of Course
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